Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
