So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Randomize
