final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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