jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
