the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
