Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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