guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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