Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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