Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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