I wish my penis had an off switch
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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