Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
