i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
