I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We need to rekindle our bromance
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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