Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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