You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
