So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
