You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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