perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
