I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
