The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
