All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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