i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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