just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
