i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
