Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
