There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
