So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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