I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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