Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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