Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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