i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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