ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
