there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
