Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
