if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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