Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
