If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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