Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
