i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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