what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
