God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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