You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
