dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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