I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
