I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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