He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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