He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
