I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize