I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
