I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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