If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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