remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
