There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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