Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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