If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FUCK WHALES
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
