I just saw a hot homeless man
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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