The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sext me about skeletons
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
