can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize