i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
