I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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