Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
third nipple confirmed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
