it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
