I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
