That's intense
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
