Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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