let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
