No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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