Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
