i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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