Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
